When Birthdays Bring Grief - Loving Siblings From Afar

Hey Tribe, 

This week's been a bit of a rollercoaster. You know those moments where something small (like a calendar notification) suddenly hits you in the chest? That happened to me.

I sat down to start work, opened my motion calendar, and saw a reminder for tomorrow. I didn't remember making plans, so I clicked it. It will be one of my sibling's birthdays.

These days always land a little heavier. I think it's because, for so long I believed that family meant unconditional love. That belief only deepened when I became a parent myself. I look at my kids and can't imagine choosing silence over connection - especially over something like a difference in belief. 

For a while after I left the fellowship, I was still invited to birthday dinners. Sometimes mine, sometimes my siblings'. I clung to those moments. But over time, the boundaries tightened. I was only allowed to speak to them on speakerphone, with my parents present. Never privately. It became clear that fear (not love) was driving those rules. Fear that I would try to convince them to leave too. But I never have. That's not my place as it's their journey. 

I'm not a vengeful backslider. I'm someone who needed community and couldn't find it where I was. 

So today, I'm holding space for the younger version of me - the one who adored her siblings with her whole heart. The one who now has to love them from a distance. I hope their living beautiful, full lives. I hope they're safe. And I still hold onto hope that one day, I'll wake up to a message from them. But that day isn't today. 

If you're feeling that ache too - missing someone, grieving a connection or navigating a trigger - please be gentle with yourself. Whether it's doing something kind for a stranger, speaking softly to yourself or spending time with people who feel like family, your healing is yours. And it matters. 

Let's keep breaking those chains together. 

With love, 

Lauren 
Founder, Breaking Chains Tribe